This may be my shortest entry on the list. Because, well, this remake is SO slight. Jackie Earle Haley gets yet another role that I'm sure he just sat by the phone knowing he'd get the call for, and all the infamous staples of Freddy Kruger lore are where you'd expect to see them. What shocked me is how slight EVERYTHING about this movie is. Even the "Horror" is so tame, you wonder exactly who this was supposed to scare in a post-torture porn/J-horror/found footage world. The deaths in the original went places that more realistic horror films like "Halloween" couldn't, in contrast all confrontations with Freddy in "nightmares" look like he didn't pay the electric bill at a brewery and fired up the backup generator. This film fails to be an effective horror film at its most basic. And worse, it can't even manage the level of fantasy the original (and gradually diminishing in quality) "Nightmare" sequels did. ARGH: Uh...it's so unmemorable that it almost doesn't merit one for a shoutout, but for completion's sake, I'll say the final "showdown" trying to get Freddy into our physical world. There's more dynamic cinematography on most reality TV shows, and it looks like it was shot with a meth addict's permission in their bedroom. The film failed as a horror film already, and now it can't even climax properly. IRREPLACEABLE ELEMENT: That's the thing - This one's ENTIRELY down to tone and execution. Haley's a fine replacement for Robert Englund, and the original wasn't exactly about individual acting or clever writing. This film could've eclipsed the original. Instead, it comes off like a Network TV remake that can't deliver the goods due to standards and practices during family broadcast hours.
In a parallel universe where game shows' final jackpots and consequent fortunes depend on knowledge of obscure music trivia and Jon Pertwee/Tom Baker Doctor Who episodes, I've probably gone rich, insane, and am now a powermad despot. But happily we're not there, so I'm actually rather pleasant. Really.
