10 Things That Will Never Happen In The Marvel Cinematic Universe‏

5. Pizza Dog In: Pizza Is My Business

Matt Fraction and David Aja's Hawkeye is one of the most delightful comics on the stands. Taking a character that's only slightly more well-defined in print than he is during his fleeting appearances on screen, the duo throw out what little history Clint Barton had and reimagine him as the Marvel Universe's put-upon every man. As the intro page of every issue points out, these are all the things he does when he's not being an Avenger. Mainly those things include getting himself hurt a lot, getting into awkward situations with his ex-girlfriends and wives (including Black Widow), and an ongoing rivalry with the tracksuit-clad Russian mob. One of his first encounters with the Tracksuit Draculas, as they're known, saw Clint rescuing the put-upon canine companion of one particularly abusive monster. Christening him Pizza Dog - after the pooch's appetite for Italian takeaway - he becomes an important part of the Hawkeye supporting cast, culminating in a celebrated issue from the dog's perspective. That's one reason it wouldn't work on film: Aja does a fantastic job illustrating the way dogs see the world (identifying people and things through sounds and smells), which you'd have a tricky job adapting. It would probably end up as a PG-13 version of Homeward Bound. And obviously they would never make a Hawkeye film that was all about a dog, and didn't really feature any dialogue. But they probably won't ever make a Hawkeye film like the rest of the series, either, since he's already been set up as an elite SHIELD agent, rather than a hopeless walking disaster who has more in common with the titular PI star of the Rockford Files. More's the pity.