10 Upcoming Films That Are Terrible Ideas

10. Poltergeist (Remake)


This one€™s already wrapped up and due for release next summer, meaning no one arrived in time to remind producer Sam Raimi and director Gil Kenan that the idea of remaking Poltergeist is only marginally less stupid than Gus Van Sant€™s scene-for-scene reshoot of Psycho. Recent history is rife with updates of classic horror films, but with few exceptions, they€™ve been slick, watered-down products aimed at the mall-rat crowd, devoid of any elements which made the originals groundbreaking. But unlike Halloween or A Nightmare on Elm Street, the original Poltergeist was unique in that it was essentially a family film which just happened to scare the living hell out of everyone. That it managed to do so with absolutely zero body count is a testament to how skilfully it dished out the dread. For an entire generation of kids in the 80s, Poltergeist was their first taste of true terror, and it remains one of the scariest films of all time. Remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th were cynically produced to cash in on a brand name as well, but one can (almost) justify their existence because the originals are definitely products of their time and seem rather quaint today. However, like Psycho and The Exorcist, Poltergeist has not only aged remarkably well, it remains required viewing for any serious horror fan, regardless of age, and that hideous clown still makes everyone jump out of their seats. What€™s the point of wasting millions of dollars on a film that doesn€™t have a chance in hell of topping the original? WHAT COULD SAVE THIS FILM: The same undemanding teenagers who flock to see every other pointless remake during its opening weekend. It'll still most-likely suck.
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D.M. Anderson works and lives in Portland Oregon. He is the author of two young adult novels (Killer Cows & Shaken) and a collection of dark tales (With the Wicked). He has also published several short stories which have appeared (or will appear) in various anthologies and magazines such as 69 Flavors of Paranoia, Night Terrors, Trembles, Encounters, Implosion, Strange Fucking Stories, Perpetual Motion Machine. He documents his adventures in the dark on on his movie site, Free Kittens Movie Guide