10 Upcoming Films That Are Terrible Ideas

9. Popeye 3-D

With the exception of a horribly misguided 1980 musical starring Robin Williams (directed by Robert Altman, of all people), few have given this spinach-loving sailor much thought over the past several decades. Even Boomerang, Cartoon Network€™s dumping ground for animated relics, largely ignores those old classic shorts, probably because Popeye was never as endearing as other cartoons from that era. So you have to wonder what audience a 3-D computer-animated update of an 80-year-old character would even appeal to. After all, it€™s likely most children€™s parents didn€™t grow up with him either. Even if they did, Popeye€™s overall appeal is similar to Betty Boop€™s€sort of retro-hip if seen on a tee-shirt (or a box of fried chicken), but nothing anyone is pining to see back on the big screen as a full length feature. WHAT COULD SAVE THIS FILM: Mr. Peabody & Sherman, another generations-old property hardly anyone remembered, turned out better than expected and did pretty well at the box-office. It wasn€™t great, but didn€™t rely on nostalgia or brand name familiarity to connect with a new audience. For Popeye to have a chance in the 21st Century, Sony Pictures (the studio producing the film) needs to follow suit.
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D.M. Anderson works and lives in Portland Oregon. He is the author of two young adult novels (Killer Cows & Shaken) and a collection of dark tales (With the Wicked). He has also published several short stories which have appeared (or will appear) in various anthologies and magazines such as 69 Flavors of Paranoia, Night Terrors, Trembles, Encounters, Implosion, Strange Fucking Stories, Perpetual Motion Machine. He documents his adventures in the dark on on his movie site, Free Kittens Movie Guide