10 Upcoming Movie Adaptations That Prove There Is No God

4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

If there's franchise out there that Michael Bay will happily squander and turn into garbage, he's sure to track it down and do just that. While Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has never been the most sophisticated of franchises, for kids it has a certain charm, with witty banter between the turtles and some inventively staged fight sequences. Expect none of that and less in Bay's upcoming movie version - he may have retracted comments suggesting that the turtles may in fact be aliens, but sadly he didn't remove himself from the project during pre-production, so cinemas cannot avoid his latest atrocity hitting their screens. With an all-star cast including, erm, Megan Fox, Johnny Knoxville and Whoopie "where have you been?!" Goldberg, it's sure to be a rip-roaring adventure for none of the family. Still, toy companies have to earn a living like the rest of us, and Michael Bay is just doing his bit (once again) to ensure that millions of parents downtrodden by the endless global recession have even more pointless bits of plastic to waste their precious money on for their pestering kids. This summer, prepare to be Michael Bayed yet again.