10 Upcoming Movie Adaptations That Prove There Is No God

3. Hercules

Brett Ratner may have lost out on the directing chair for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (although being asked to choose which director you prefer between Ratner and Bay is a bit like deciding whether you'd prefer to be stabbed or shot), but to make up for it the studios cast him a Hercules-shaped bone so that he wouldn't miss out on boring audiences to tears this summer, too. Starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Hercules (and apparently other characters, too - can't have too much of a good thing now), this is the second Hercules-based movie adaptation of the Greek legend - this year alone! Don't expect a wonderfully expressive and epic telling of one of the most renowned of all Greek legends - do expect dozens of homoerotic close-ups of Johnson's glistening muscles, poorly staged action scenes and a script as weak as an incredibly milky cup of tea. A quick glance on IMDB reveals that this adaptation of Hercules marks the gizzilionth screen version for the hunky divine hero - our recommendation is steer clear of this when it's released this summer and watch Schwarzenegger in Hercules in New York - preferably under its alternative title, Hercules Goes Bananas.