10 VHS Tapes That Totally Lied To You
5. Jungle Warriors (1984)
Technically, everything on the Jungle Warriors front cover does happen, but there is a lot of nonsense before we get to the big firefight, including the opening theme song. How was this the very best song they could use? It cannot be described, only experienced.
A look at that cover and you'd expect an action movie, but that’s not what this is. This is a crime drama/thriller with some awful dialogue, mostly taking place in a jungle and an abandoned Spanish fort lovingly restored by a drug lord. On the back of the cover is a description for what sounds like a very graphic movie, but in the UK, it suffered from cuts to get BBFC approval, so some of the promised carnage isn’t even contained on the tape within.
Jungle Warriors is not without its charms, though. We have Paul L. Smith and Sybil Danning as the villainous, and, as it is alluded to, incestuous siblings - “She’s only my half-sister” - and we have the climactic gunfight, which is good old-fashioned chaos. Machine guns, bow and arrows, grenades, explosions, helicopters and lots of fire and cocaine. Not sure you'd call anyone in this movie a warrior, but there is a jungle.