4. Santa's Slay
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=camndOJGmSM Whoever thought that Bill Goldberg would be a good fit for a movie has clearly never watched the guy try to conduct a segment in the wrestling ring; though he might be a tremendous physical specimen, he has absolutely zero charisma, one of the many, many reasons why this film is so freaking God-awful. As you can glean from the poorly-punned title, Santa Claus is a vicious killer in this film, born from the Devil, and the film has a surprisingly involved mythology, that Santa (an anagram of Satan, don'cha know?) lost a fight to an angel and so was sentenced to 1000 years of handing out presents to kids. Of course, this sentence runs out just as the film begins, and so Santa goes on a brutal killing spree. The angel returns to fight, and the movie ends with Santa high-tailing it back to the North Pole, making for one of the most bizarre and asinine holiday films I've ever seen. It's a shame as the film had potential to be a kitschy B-movie, but Goldberg's resolute lack of charisma absolutely sinks it. Well, that and the dire script, anyway. Oh, and Lost's Emilie de Ravin is in it, strangely enough.