3. Paul Blart Actually Drowns In The Suitcase - Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
The Theory: Because terrible movies have their "fans" too, Redditor MetalGearKaiju claims that when Paul Blart (Kevin James) is loaded into a suitcase and hurled into a swimming pool about two-thirds through the movie, he actually drowns, and the rest of the movie is his dying thoughts as he moves on to the afterlife. Consider this: he starts out the movie newly divorced, his mother gets killed by a milk truck and his daughter is going away to college, but after bursting out of the suitcase, he manages to save the hotel from getting robbed and makes his daughter proud, feeling relevant once again. Also consider how surreal the movie gets in its final third: there are heavenly Vegas dancers, a grenade launcher that shoots glue foam, a horse kicking Blart into a car and he just brushes it off, bad guys who don't use their guns to just kill Blart, and a main villain (Neal McDonough) with a severe oatmeal allergy (yes, oatmeal). Does any of this feel remotely grounded more than it could be the oxygen-deprived final thoughts of a dying man? Why It's Awesome: Because it adds layers and depth to a movie that's otherwise 95 minutes of Kevin James falling on his butt and being dumb. This is almost enough to warrant giving the movie another viewing. Almost. How Likely Is It?: 1/10. All the writing and directing credits on this film are dubious at best, so while it's a wonderful idea, and one which will continue to exist in our own head-canon unless a third film is made (which could still continue the hallucination), it's virtually impossible that this was intentional.
Stay at home dad who spends as much time teaching his kids the merits of Martin Scorsese as possible (against the missus' wishes).
General video game, TV and film nut. Occasional sports fan. Full time loon.
