4. Glenn Manning, The Amazing Colossal Man/War Of The Colossal Beast (1957/1958)
Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans will no doubt recall the sad saga of Major Glenn Manning, a sober army type that found himself growing indefinitely following one of 1957's ubiquitous nuclear accidents. Glenn got progressively larger, dumber, and balder throughout the film, and by the time his rampage rolls around he's basically the kaiju version of Homer Simpson. Hilariously, the filmmakers had no budget for sets, and so the Colossal Man's rampage consists mostly of forlornly wandering in front of rear-projected landmarks. Eventually, he takes a header off of Hoover Dam, ending the saddest rampage in movie history. There was apparently a market for morose diaper giants milling around in front of stock footage, though, and Glenn was fished out of the Colorado river for a sequel, War of the Colossal Beast, in which Glenn would eat an entire bread truck. Thrills!
