Sylvester Stallone's savior complex reached its ridiculous crescendo in Rocky IV, when his idiot hero ends the Cold War using a combination of boxing and Christmas. Standing in Rocky's way was not only four decades of geopolitical enmity, but also space-age Soviet übermensch Ivan Drago. It's never clear why Stallone associated the USSR with Nazi-style genetically superior Aryans, but AMERICA, right, Sly? Drago was about a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier than Rocky, and hailed from a state-of-the-art training facility just lousy with blinking lights and perforated paper print-outs. Even though Drago literally killed Apollo Creed by punching him like four times, Rocky beat him without once trying to block a punch, because he apparently has Homer Simpson syndrome. Perhaps if Drago had been equipped with a surgical 2x4, we'd all be speaking Russian right now.
