12 WTF Harry Potter Fan-Fictions You Won't Believe Exist
7. Hogwarts School Of Prayer And Miracles
What do you do when you’re devoutly religious and want your kids
to enjoy the fables of Harry Potter but without exposing their young,
impressionable minds to the wicked ungodliness of witchcraft and wizardry? Why
you rewrite J.K. Rowling’s works Christian-style just like Jesus would have
wanted, of course!
So that would be a retelling of Harry Potter with no reference to magic – basically the essence of the boy wizard – because the only magic allowed in Christianity is the kind that involves a bizarrely Caucasian man of Middle Eastern origin turning water into wine and feeding thousands of folk armed with only a couple of fish and a bit of bread.
This is exactly what ‘concerned mommy’ Grace Ann Parsons – who we’re assuming looks like the ‘I’d like to speak to your manager’ meme except with bible in hand – did in Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles, in which she reimagined Dumbledore as a reverend and feisty Hermione as on obedient child of god and implanted typically Christian tenets like denying evolution and frowning upon sex before marriage.
Choice Quote: ‘“I’m just so upset that you don’t accept the Bible,” Hermione sobbed femininely. “The Bible is the best book ever. Why can’t you just respect that?!”’