12 WTF Harry Potter Fan-Fictions You Won't Believe Exist

Just in case you didn’t heed our prior warnings, we’ll remind you one more time: nothing is sacred in fan fiction. And we mean nothing - not religious deities or popstars, not even the innocent characters in a TV show aimed at toddlers.

In Severus Snape, Professor and Lover the Slytherin housemaster grows weary of his Hogwarts gig and at Dumbledore’s suggestion takes a sabbatical to Teletubby Land to take on the responsibility of teaching Tinky Winky and Co the ways of the world.

Unfortunately, ‘teaching’ in this fan fiction is code for Snape defiling the Teletubbies with what is at one point referred to as his ‘Roquefort penis’. We can only hope that’s a typo for ‘rock-hard’. As if that basic premise wasn’t disturbing enough, their shenanigans soon devolve into scat play and the exchange of plenty more bodily fluids including vomit and breast milk.

Topped off with a late-in-the-game plot twist involving a shady deal between the Teletubbies and Voldemort and a shootout between Dumbledore and Tinky Winky, it’s as bizarre as it is depraved.

Choice Quote: ‘And Snape unclothed himself. His pale shiny penis appeared and all of the Teletubbies got impressed.’