12 WTF Harry Potter Fan-Fictions You Won't Believe Exist

If you thought Dobby ravishing a sock was bad, how does the thought of a tryst between Hogwarts’ towering former gamekeeper Hagrid and the half-pint house-elf take your fancy?

A stormy night at Hogwarts is the setting in A House-Elf’s Needs and as the tempest rages outside the castle, Dobby’s insatiable lust rages inside its walls. Apparently unsatisfied by his previous dalliances with Harry Potter and his ‘wand’, the insatiable elf has turned to Hagrid to satisfy his needs.

Though he’s reluctant at first, Hagrid – being the kind-hearted man that he is – begrudgingly complies only to realise that as a half-giant his presumably larger than average tallywacker could end up doing Dobby a mischief, so naturally he decides the best course of action is just to finger the lustful elf instead.

Good luck getting that image out of your head.

Choice Quote: ‘Screwing Dobby was going to be a bit like trying to ram a baseball bat through the eye of a needle. A limp baseball bat, he corrected silently, looking down at his flaccid member. He couldn't remember ever being less aroused; did it suffice to say that he simply wasn't an elf person?’