One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off? And he said to me, Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out? My cousin was a weird guy." What is this even? You know exactly what kind of movie Mallrats is going to be right from Jason Lee's bizarre, rambling opening monologue that will make you never be able to look at cats or gerbils the same way again. It almost seems to openly mock the idea of a film opening with a statement of what the film is going to be about. Mallrats' opening line does none of that -- it teaches no lessons, provides no information of value, and is almost beautiful in its sheer pointlessness. It says loud and clear that whatever you're giving to get out of Mallrats, it isn't going to be a message.
Audrey Fox is an ex-film student, which means that she prefers to spend her days in the dark, watching movies and pondering the director's use of diegetic sound. She currently works as an entertainment writer, joyfully rambling about all things film and television related. Add her on Twitter at @audonamission and check out her film blog at 1001moviesandbeyond.com.
