20 Problems Only Cannes Film Festival Attendees Will Understand

As you walk past the marina, complete with vulgar, penis-replacement boats with their ludicrously swanky interiors and full staffs of people ready to fluff their celebrity captains it's very easy to get lost in a world of fantasy where you have experience of piloting a boat outside of your own bath-tub.

The marina is a pretty good place to spot celebrities, as it happens, particularly as studios tend to throw boat parties that you definitely won't be invited to. But you can at least stand on firm ground and watch a Hollywood News reporter spill expensive champagne on P Diddy's upholstery. If you squint.