The Characters: How hard is it to get a bunch of anthropomorphic turtles right, huh? Rather difficult, actually - at least, that's the case according to Hollywood's dealings with this nostalgic foursome. Despite the fact that these guys were best left alone within the realms of television, ill-judged attempts have been made to bring them to the big screen. Some things only work in animated form - the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are proof. The First Time: There are a few delusional people out there who are still trying to pretend that the 1990 movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was good. That's nostalgia talking, of course, because this movie pays no attention to the turtles as actual characters - every single one is rendered as interchangeable; a far cry from the TV series in which the foursome all had distinct personalities of their own. Most of the film is cringeworthy. The Second Time: Two words: Michael Bay. Whatever properties this guy touches, they turn to sh*t. If ruining the Transformers franchise wasn't enough to spoil your childhood, then, in 2014 there was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Bay didn't even direct the film, but his stamp is all over it: bad characterisation, relentless explosions, Megan Fox... not to forget that the questionable CGI versions of the turtles themselves barely resemble the characters that they're based upon. They're broad, uninspired renditions who - once again - fail exactly where their 1990 counterparts did: you can't really tell any of them apart.
Sam Hill is an ardent cinephile and has been writing about film professionally since 2008. He harbours a particular fondness for western and sci-fi movies.
