8 Times Jake Gyllenhaal Fought His Own Hotness (And Won)

4. End Of Watch (2012)

2012, I hear you ask? But that€™s 5 whole years later. What was he doing in those 5 years? Was there a lot of hotness involved? Well, friends, the answer is €œsort of€. Because it was in those 5 years that the reason for this war may have been revealed. In 2010, Jake starred as the buff, long-locked Dustan in Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. He leaned right into his hotness and it sucked. It sucked A LOT. So he regrouped. He came back more determined than ever to defeat his genetic curse.

End Of Watch is a cop movie and it is exactly like every other cop movie you€™ve watched except that it€™s shot handycam-style so actually it€™s exactly like every cop TV show you€™ve watched. Your partners are your family, drug lords are bad. You know the drill.

And Jake? Jake straight up makes himself bald for this role. Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with baldness. There are a lot of attractive men out there who are bald, voluntarily or otherwise. But unfortunately, Jake has the kind of delicate beauty that switches to full-skinhead when you remove the hair. It€™s terrifying and really, very unhot. Well played, Jake€™s scalp.

Contributor
Contributor

Brydie is an Australian writer and performer living in London and she complains exactly the same amount about the weather as every other Australian living in London. Yes, that is her natural lip colour, no, she will not be taking any further questions at this time.