8 Times Jake Gyllenhaal Fought His Own Hotness (And Won)

3. Prisoners (2013)

There is no doubt that, by 2013, the Jake v Hotness Smackdown was tipped Jake€™s way. Offscreen, he had aged tremendously. He€™d figured out facial hair and his boyish charm was still evident under his proper manly handsomeness. His struggle against babeliness was realer than ever.

So he must€™ve trawled through hundreds of scripts before finding one with the combination of unsettling and unattractive than Prisoners offered him. A skin-crawly, tense thriller about the abduction of multiple children, it€™s about as unerotic as cinema gets. The cast is amazing but, really, who wants to suffer through a kidnapping movie?

Jake plays the detective on the case, proving he can play a huge range of law enforcement officers unattractively. When you Google €œJake Gyllenhaal Prisoners€ the suggested result is €œJake Gyllenhaal Prisoners Haircut€ and I can€™t imagine it€™s because people want to emulate it. The shaved sides. The unkempt top. The constant suggestion of dripping oil. Between this and End Of Watch, the message Jake seems to be sending us is €œCops can€™t be trusted with their own hair€.

Contributor
Contributor

Brydie is an Australian writer and performer living in London and she complains exactly the same amount about the weather as every other Australian living in London. Yes, that is her natural lip colour, no, she will not be taking any further questions at this time.