Shes in the film for little more than two minutes, but Madonnas gratuitous, self-serving cameo still ranks among the worst moments in the franchise. Playing a fencing instructor (and fountain of exposition), Madge gets in two dreadful puns, or about one every minute (what is this, an Adam Sandler movie?). When she first meets Bond, she tells him, I see you handle your weapon well, to which he responds, I have been known to keep my tip up. After fawning over gorgeous Rosamund Pike, shes invited to watch a match between Bond and Gustav Graves, which she declines with the zinger, I dont like cockfights! (not what weve heard, missus). This isnt the full extent of her crimes as she also provides the theme song, (I guess Ill die another day/ Sigmund Freud, analyse this!), which doesnt exactly evoke memories of Shirley Bassey.
Ian Watson is the author of 'Midnight Movie Madness', a 600+ page guide to "bad" movies from 'Reefer Madness' to 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.'
