Alex Vs Simon: 12 Steps To Decide If X-Men Apocalypse Actually Sucks

2. It Feels Like The Last Stand

Alex: Im mainly bringing this one up because I know Simon has something humorous to say about it that explains his unconditional optimism, but its a pretty essential criticism of the film regardless; above all Apocalypse feels like The Last Stand.

Some of these points of comparison are intentional the Dark Phoenix, Sentinels in the Danger Room but some have to be accidental; it sidelines major plot-threads from the previous films in favour of a less nuanced new plot, Apocalypse trotting about recruiting a host of mutants here is exactly the same as Magnetos first act gambit there and tries to adapt too many comic stories at once. Heck, the general structure of explicitly building to a stilted showdown with little else in the way is exactly the same.

Comparisons to X-Men 3 are no good thing and make Apocalypse seem like the film Singer wanted to make after X-2 (but couldnt because he jumped ship to Superman) reconstituted to fit into the First Class trilogy. Outside of franchise concerns though, it shows an inability to get with the times the film is, essentially outdated, rooted deeply in mid-naughties superhero ideology. And we dont need to travel back in time to that.

Simon: Here's where I lose you: I don't hate The Last Stand. It has a lot of flashes of brilliance about it, and a lot of great ideas that weren't really delivered upon, thanks mostly to Brett Ratner's lack of time. I am a Last Stand apologist, which I know makes me a minority, but you have to listen to minorities, so shut up.

I also recognise that someone needs to remake The Last Stand to get rid of the bad bits - Halle Berry, Vinnie Jones, the directing - and I personally have absolutely no problem with Singer seeking to make the film he couldn't first time out. And if you're complaining about a director being stuck in the post-X2 universe, you'll never realise how hopelessly wrong you are to criticise it. That's literally the best time.