These Director's Cuts Suck!

Now as we all know, there was a time where Legendary director Steven Spielberg palled around with equally famous directing legend George Lucas as something of a Hollywood power couple. They would consult each other on projects they were working on and share ideas and feedback with each other on the regular.

However, it seemed as if Lucas, for all the good advice he likely gave, placed one stinky kernel into the mind soil of Spielberg when it came to making alterations to classic film properties, which lead to the utterly ridiculous curio known as the Director's Cut of E.T. which became something of a purity project for Spielberg as he looked to remove all threatening imagery from his iconic film.

And by this, I mean that he replaced all the guns in the film that military and government officials wielded with....walkie-talkies. Now I'm all for gun control but I'd like to think that should an alien menace actually become a threat to humanity, that our special ops forces would be slightly more effective than a community support officer. I somehow don't think that a xenomorph would be dissuaded from its rampage by some meatbag waving a Nokia 3310 in its face.

It creates a hyper-sanitized look that removes a significant amount of tension from the flick, and while pointing guns at kids is never a good thing in real life, within the context of the film it creates the necessary drama to sell how desperate the situation is. It's a shame Spielberg chose this hill to phone home on, because if we're being truly honest, the edit he really should have made is to try and make the titular alien look less like a ballsack covered in fake tan.

Ewww. Gross.