These Superhero Films SUCK!

Now, when it came to deciding which of the rather girthy X-men franchise entries was is going to receive my laser-focused ire right up their hole, it was actually a rather tough prospect, as despite the roster being swollen with the likes of the incredible Logan, and the outstanding X-2, there are so many utter stinkers in the group.

I could go on at length about how X-Men Origins Wolverine hobbled the likes of Deadpool for years after or how we basically have to pour one out for Gambit every time this film comes on as it will likely be the only iteration we'll ever see on the big screen, or I could have grabbed Apocalypse by his stupid Ivan Ooze face and demanded why he didn't use his amazing Mutant powers more because he came across like a goon in his own stupid movie.

However, today we're going to look at the rather sad and pathetic case of X-Men: Dark Pheonix which managed to act as both a horrible re-imagining of an already botched storyline and as a sour handoff from Fox to Marvel that was the equivalent of giving someone toy back but breaking it just before it touches there palm.

"oops. Sorry about that"

From the jump, there was something absolutely rotten about this project, and when it was announced that extensive reshoots were taking place, the excrement-based writing was basically on the wall, yet people still turned out in their droves to check out Fox's X-Men swansong. It's just a shame that the song in this case was the screeching sound of metal as the entire rollercoaster ride came off the tracks. In fact the movie actually provides a lovely example of how little shits it gives in the "I guess this plane can go into space now" section, where the group chastises Hank for being a bit nervous about taking an untested vehicle into the endless void.

A big smack of "Nah just go with it, who f**k cares anymore?"

How do you take a story that is as complex and iconic as the Dark Pheonix saga and somehow make it utterly boring, linear to the point of frustration, and add in new elements to the story which lessen the impact of things overall? It's not even like this is new ground either as the subject was one of the focal points of Last Stand, yet here became a fecal point as it was smeared with unnecessary stank.

Action scenes were dropped in to pad out an utterly anemic plot, and without going to IMDB I wouldn't even be able to tell you who the villains of the piece actually were because they were instantly forgettable, and all played to the sound of acting with all the life of a !*$% death knell. I don't hate this film as much as Origins, or Last Stand, but I'm just so thoroughly disappointed by the whole affair, and in some ways that's even worse.