What Your Favourite Star Wars Movie Says About You

5. Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

50 Star Wars Episode II Attack of the Clones 3DThe Movie: After the surprising (which is a nice way of saying vitriolic) reaction to Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones had extra incentive to try and be the Empire of the prequels. It€™s got the darker tone, a more prominent romance, an open ending, and even a chase through an asteroid belt. Too bad Lucas wasn€™t the one responsible for making all those things work the first time, as his choice to double down on the love angle proves to be the entire film€™s undoing. Attack of the Clones whiplashes between Anakin channeling his sexual frustration into sand poetry, and Obi Wan pretending he€™s in a Blade Runner reenactment€ which is actually more like a pre-enactment when you think about it. The whole thing would have been a giant, orange turd were it not for the straight twenty minutes of fan service at the end. Even after the climactic bacchanal of lightsabers and Yoda action, original Star Wars fans were still not amused. What It Says About You: Let€™s level here: you€™re probably still peeved with your parents for making you wait in line for two hours to go see another one of these things, even though you hated the first one. You say it€™s your favourite just to spite them, and the experience led you into a life of rage-baiting geeks that try to alienate you for not being a die-hard about stuff like Alien and Die Hard. You€™re not trying to be a douche about it (well, not completely) - you just like to make sure fanboys keep things in perspective. When someone calls your bluff, and forces you to watch Attack of the Clones, you frequently mention how well written the dialogue is, and your belief that Padma and Anakin are the greatest love story of a generation. Looks of confused disgust, and impotent rage are more than worth your time and commitment to this belief. You€™ve caused at least one aneurysm. Favourite Star Wars Accessories: Howard the Duck, VHS of TheStar Wars Holiday SpecialSoundbite: €œJust think: if it weren€™t for Attack of the Clones, studios wouldn€™t have known that a really good movie romance is all it takes to sell a movie. Without it, we might never have gotten Twilight! Is your nose bleeding?€ Favourite Movies: Batman and Robin, Spider-Man 3
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If it can be written about, Sam will write about it. He's got a degree in biology for some reason, probably because The Thing gave him the impression that wildlife research is mostly about getting drunk with Kurt Russell, and using flamethrowers (it isn't). He lives in Toronto, and almost met Dan Aykroyd that one time.