Yearning For A Flop
I'll admit it. There are certain movies I want to fail, and LAND OF THE LOST is one of them.
I imagine movie critics are supposed to go into every movie with an open mind, but I certainly am not one of them. I want certain movies to fail. Yesterday I came across these three reviews for the upcoming Will Ferrell disaster LAND OF THE LOST. While reading them, I suddenly felt this intense anger and revulsion. We all know what this movie is: a very expensive, name-recognized and group-marketed crap collage designed to capitalize on Ferrell's usual nonsense. The idea and execution of this film is so utterly pointless that I'm surprised everyone involved didn't simply wander away out of sheer boredom. 
Listen to this "rave" on Ain't It Cool News:
***I mean, no fucking lie here: there is a Will Ferrell/Pterodactyl egg/'A Chorus Line' dance number set piece that had me pissing my pants!!!!! Need I say more???****Um, is this supposed to be a positive aspect of the movie? It sounds atrocious. Then another reviewer says this:
Ferrell and McBride play this whole thing like Ricky Bobby and Kenny Powers' Excellent Adventure." Soo For example, one of McBride's earliest lines is calling a firecracker a "Mexican vasectomy." Later he tells the British Holly character (I looked it up and it's Anna Friel -- don't know her) that she should sit on this gigantic vibrating pyramid sculpture they find. Cracked out.My God. These reviewers are praising the film for bullshit like this. Meanwhile, I'm thinking the Four Horsemen are nearing the final turn. I have not seen this movie. I know the television show on which it is (supposedly) based. I've seen the terrible trailer for the film, and a horrendous clip of Ferrell playing guitar and singing the infamous theme song. But much of the film has been hidden from sight, probably for very good reasons. But not seeing this movie has no bearing on my feelings. I want this film to fail. I will go into it hating it completely, and it will probably be a moderately chilly day in hell before I would ever enjoy this film. I may take illegal pharmaceuticals to endure the experience of watching it. Reviews like those quoted above only confirm my suspicions about what this movie contains, and I now hate it even more than I previously did. Yeah, I know movie critics and people who report on media developments should go into every film with an open and accepting mind. But not me. There are certain movies I want to see fail completely, and LAND OF THE LOST is definitely one of them. In my mind, the success of a bilious, weeping cunt-sore like LAND OF THE LOST would only encourage other filmmakers to mimic it in order to chase the fucking dollar, and I don't want to see that continue. Do we really need more mocking, self-referential takes on other crappy television shows like this one? How about a "hilarious" post-modern take on SMALL WONDER? Or maybe a $150 million dollar big screen adaptation of H.R. PUFNSTUF, except with all of the drug references blatantly put back in and starring Seth Rogen and James Franco in their PINEAPPLE EXPRESS mode? It's gold, baby!! GOLD!!! So I'm warning you right now - I will probably hate this film, and I will cheer at every dollar it loses in box office once people realize that they've been duped yet again. It may not be right, but hey ... at least I'm honest about it.