These Video Game Enemies SUCK!

We all tire of the rat race that is life, I think that statement is pretty much true of everyone.

We feel worn down by the constant grind of work that wears your patience down to a nub, and the constant pressures to achieve goals for people we’ve never met for money we’ll never see, and sometimes it can all reach a point where you want to throw your hands in the air and dream of a better existence.

A life away from the cities, away from the ever-present demands for your time and soul, a little plot of green in an expanse of peace. It’s a nice dream right? Well, what’s that just behind this delicious daydream? Why it’s the other dream you have of conquering the world and positing yourself at the top of this river of ever cascading s**t. Oh yes, that dream is equally delightful isn’t it?

Well if you’re going to try your hand at a bit of Bond film supvervillainy, you better make sure you’re not hiring these grunts, as whether they were terrible at their job, would be a chore to manage or are just plain stinky to fight against, there’s one thing for sure and that’s that these Video Game Enemies SUCK!

When it comes to Silent Hill, the franchise is pretty well known for its exceptional enemies both in terms of design and in terms of “oh that’s what my spine looks like thank you for tearing it out to show me”.

However, for every Pyramid Head, we get a Tesco-brand Rhombus Leg, and the Mandarins from Silent Hill 2 are most definitely the most useless enemy in Silent Hill 2. Hanging out, quite literally in fact, in areas with mesh walkways to grab whatever passes by with their horrifying mouth hands, the Mandarins sound terrifying on paper, however, these enemies are less a zesty number and more an enemy that slips on a !*$% banana peel.

And it’s down to one simple issue.

While it is possible to shoot these enemies from afar and clear the way easily, why even bother wasting the ammo when you can just run past them without firing a shot? Seriously Mandarin, your one job was to cause havoc, but here you are being laughed at by anything more than a brisk walk. Absolutely pathetic.

What makes this all the funnier is that the enemy was redesigned for Silent Hill 3 to become The Closer, and this was all because Masahiro Ito thought the Mandarin was “underrated”. Underrated? Mate it was undeveloped is what it was.