These Video Game Movies Adaptations SUCK!

Uwe Boll.

If uttering his name doesn't immediately cause your heart to sink into a pit of despair, then you my friend have either never heard of him or you've somehow managed to avoid seeing any of his work. Which in all honesty would be pretty hard to do seeing as he's been given SO MANY CHANCES to work on video game adaptations and has botched each and every one of them.

Seriously this man is to directing what Uwe Boll is to directing. I know I'm comparing him to himself but there really isn't anything quite so appallingly low on effort or execution.

Far Cry, House of the Dead, Alone In The Dark ONE AND TWO, Bloodrayne ONE, TWO AND THREE, and even a Postal Film! All directed and all ruined by a man who wiped his Boll-ocks all over a blank page and called it a script.

It would be impossible to list the litany of things wrong with each of these disasters, but the common threads between all of them are ludicrous cuts that attempt to mask terrible action scenes but end up breaking even the most basic cinematic conventions (180-degree rule? What's that?) and acting that is so stiff it's as if rigor mortis auditioned for the role.

Some actors at least know what type of movie they're in and ham it up to charcuterie levels, but you have to feel really sorry for the few cast members who genuinely thought this would be their big break. In fact the only break around here is the !*$% tax breaks that Boll used to get these films made.

You see up until 2006 you could exploit a loophole in a government movie funding scheme, which basically paid investors back in full mitigating any and all risks all at the expense of the German taxpayer. This is why Boll churned out dud after dud, because he and his mates were actually making money from them despite their terrible box office performance.

Ever since the loophole closed, surprise surprise Uwe Bolls' workload has dramatically reduced, and now he seems to just make documentaries about how much he hates all of his critics. Nice guy right.