These Video Game Side Missions SUCK!

As video games have moved ever closer to the realms of cinema over recent years, so too have their narratives. Where once we were content to aim for high scores and not question the deeper motives of Space Invaders and the like, now it's all about deep and complex stories each wrought with emotional complexity.

I, for one, am grateful for this as I absolutely love getting stuck into a hefty story, but you know what? Maybe you fancy a bit of a break from the constant throb of the main plot because you've spied a card game or cool looking quest. These side missions stand to enrich your understanding of the world you're in and offer unique experiences that the central plot simply cannot.

Plus the rewards are usually some of the best in the entire game, affording those looking for a more scenic route better gear and possibly better times! However, the entries here... well, they were just the absolute worst and were so infuriating that you might have popped a vein and a bollock in frustration. There's no clearer way to say this than THESE VIDEO GAME SIDE MISSIONS SUCK.

Do you know what's worse than a side mission that sucks? One that not only sucks, but also never f*cking ENDS.

Such is the absolute nightmare that is the Settlement Defence activity that Fallout 4 never lets you forget. Now on paper, this sounds like a brilliant way to keep the player invested in their multiple encampments because having them overrun disrupts supply lines, makes the populace lose faith in the Minutemen and destabilises any semblance of order you're trying to bring back to the Wasteland.

It's just a shame that absolutely none of this translates to the game itself, because you can quite literally leave them to fend for themselves at next to no penalty. However, I, along with many other players likely thought that something magical would happen if we were to defend all of these small patches of hope for long enough and so set about building defences, preparing the troops there and setting up expensive turrets to protect what literally amounted to a handful of bloody carrots. And only sometimes!

All of it was just a waste of time, and the small thrill of combat was drained from me when I realised that not only would this struggle never end but that the game was going to make me aware of the state of all of these settlements at EVERY GIVEN MOMENT thanks to *Preston alert plays* this.

*Sigh* Preston bloody Garvey. Now Preston, I'm sure Preston is a nice bloke, and he means well, but DUDE read a goddamn room, I am knee-deep in Super Mutants as is, so ask yourself, pal, does the General want to leave this crucial battle to protect Farmer f*ckwitt and his wife/sister from three mole rats? Are the two cabbages they send over every month really worth our time and effort? Are they?!

No. Thought not. So keep it to yourself next time buddy.

Right, now where were we *Preston alert plays again*