Hello, all you little daemons, Jules here for WhatCulture.com back again with another life-shortening NOT LIST aka These Things Suck, a format where I and my neck vein Jeremey waltz through the swamp that is the gaming industry and shout at things that make our blood fizzy before having a litany of rage enduced aneurysms.
Against my doctors orders, I've covered terrible levels, sequels, abilities, and many more, but I've been missing a true stinker, for it's time for this weapon to detail "Ultimate" Video Game weapons that were anything but. Whether it was the arduous requirements to unlock them, or simply failing to deliver on their promises entirely, you might as well have used these blades to butter your !*$% toast for how effective they were.
So let's get our pointy fingers out and shame these stinkers like a bony old hag as I'm Jules, this is WhatCulture.com and these Video Game Ultimate Weapons SUCK.
5. The Giant's Knife - Ocarina Of Time
So let's begin with something that I know a lot of people probably expect but just like a pigs penis, it's got a slight twist, for I will be talking about The Giant's Knife from Ocarina of Time, but before I do can we all just agree on something?
The Master Sword Sucks.
Wait wait wait. Hold you horses there my friend because there is a caveat here. The Master Sword itself when fully powered up is THE BEST sword hands down and it's simplistic but beautiful desire gives me the vapours. HOWEVER notice I said "when fully powered" because there's the rub, that in Link To The Past, the Master Sword can be upgraded. Twice.
This means the almighty sword, the best of the best....is actually kind of like an ultimate weapon -1...or -2 in this case. How can that be considered ultimate?
Anyway mini-rant over let's talk about something that boils everyones piss. The Giant's Knife when it's working deals FOUR TIMES the amount of damage than the Master Sword can, so it is in ever respect the Ultimate Weapon of this game. It's just a shame that it's made out of my ex lovers promises to remain faithful because it breaks the moment any pressure is put on it.
Why Stacey Why.
However, I think what truly shoves a rupee down my shute is the fact that this big oaf CHARGES you money for repairing it. I know we don't have a receipt but we're the only one who bought the bloody thing! Seriously if you're going to make the weapon out of baking tray foil at least have the decency to buy me a new roll from Asda.