These Video Game Ultimate Weapons SUCK!

So when you think of Ultimate Weapon you're likely going to think of the weapon with the best stats right? Well let's take that concept and rub our nob over it slightly because what if you were to think of "Ultimate" in terms of practicality and design.

For example, The Rail Gun in the Resident Evil 3 Remake is for all intents an purposes an utterly BRILLIANT weapon because it turns nemesis into a gaping hole I've not seen since the "Actual useful skills" section of my personal CV. However, because it sucks up more juice than the WWE locker room in the mid 90's it's about as useful as a chocolate kettle.

No, what I'm looking for is a plasma weapon that's a bit more compact, something that would even fit into those spray-on jeans that emo kids wore back in the day, what I need is clearly the PS20 from Deus Ex, which is marketed in the game as the ultimate espionage weapon.

This pocket plasma pistol is described in the game as "a next-generation stealth pistol" which sounds lovely right? who wouldn't want an unstable nuclear reactor riding around next to their junk?

*Phone begins to ring*

Oh sorry just got to get this. Hello, Dial-A-!*$% Jules speaking, oh you want to buy a PS20 do you? Well hold on...yes I know you want to shoot your space boss in the space face but just hold on a moment, because while this does sound good on paper, I've got a few things to tell you

THE GUN ONLY FIRES ONE-SHOT. IT'S EXPLOSION CAUSES DAMAGE TO YOU. AND CAN'T KILL ANYTHING ABOVE A REGULAR GRUNT EVEN IF YOU SHOOT THEM IN THE FACE.

Do you still want it? You do? What the f**k is wrong with you?!

*Slams down the phone*

Did !*$% Justin Hammer make this piece of garbage? I totally see why it's marked as disposable now seeing as it belongs in the goddam bin! Do yourself and favor and tell the PS20 to Psssss off.