7 Reasons Why Oasis Are The Worst Thing To Ever Happen To Britain

Hey! News editors! Are you trying to stretch the newsworthiness of a story way past its acceptable limit? Have you considered using The Gallagher Brothers’ Gobby Rent-a-Quote Service™? For the small price of keeping our faded, jaded and ego-inflated founders in the public eye, we will provide controversial yet on-point quotes on just about any subject! Call our premium rate phone number for more information NOW!

Yes, you literally cannot escape a Gallagher brother giving a “witty” soundbite these days. Noel in particular seems to spout so much newsworthy drivel to NME you have to wonder if they have his wife and kids held hostage, guns to their heads, forcing him to churn out regular bitesize chunks of clickbait musings on each and every news topic.

Here are some of the things the Gallaghers have given their useless opinions on in recent years:

Bono’s drinking prowess

Their underwear choices (Noel doesn’t wear any, Liam did not comment for once)

Gary Barlow’s hair

Nigel Farage

Zayn Malik

Drinking petrol

But who actually cares about what people who haven’t made a good song in two decades think about anything? Clearly someone does, or they wouldn’t keep asking. More importantly, what do their deliberately provocative brain farts actually add to the debate, or our understanding of it?

Precisely nothing, that’s what. It’s time to start sacking editors who indulge in the lowest common-denominator click-chasing that is asking what the Gallaghers think about something in the news.