Kylie Minogue - Timebomb: Music Video Review

Holy Smokes! It's time to burn rubber, whip off the leather and woop in appreciation for the return of the Aussie booty-shaker herself.

Ok so there's a big ol' Jubilee coming up soon remember? Gary Barlow's doing some (fun-sapping) TV concert affair with a few people who the Queen has probably never heard and no doubt is only watching out of courtesy, missing an evening of Poirot re-runs on ITV4 with the corgis in the process. Everyone else on the other hand will be BBQ-ing to within an inch of their lives - a weekend rife with food poisoning, dodgy sunburn, endless streams of lager and completely devoid of Queen-ness minus maybe some poundland bunting. If I told you there was another anniversary co-inciding would you know who I meant? Nope not your wedding anniversary, it's Kylie time and she's 25! Ok, not in age (though she could definitely pass for a good 32 with her figure) but in number of years in the biz. It's K25 time and the aptly titled Timebomb has arrived in an overnight explosive wave of 'Whaa? Kylie's got a new single out? When did that happen?' I'll have to be frank with you and admit I didn't even realise Timebomb was out until Kylie's blue-tinted face materialised on youtube so it's safe to say I had absolutely no expectations into what the song and video would be like. Will there be actual bombs involved? Will it resemble a 007 high-octane film trailer in it's levels of near-knuckle suspense? Will it secretly be an electro-vamp political comment on the wars of the Middle East/North Africa perhaps? 25 years is a big milestone in the fickle land of Pop and I can only think of Madonna who's been around longer in the public consciousness. Madonna's 25th would have been in 2007 just before Hard Candy and we're all still trying to forget about that so fingers crossed Kylie brings out the big musical guns rather than big weird arm muscle guns (Yes Madge, still looking at you...) Aah the glitchy white corridor solo strut/wall grind motif, how I've missed you. Kylie loves a good dance workout but clearly age is getting to her as she stops a mere 13 seconds in, shooting stops and we're now in grey-o-vision. Off she pops onto the streets of London (that'll explain the grey) being stalked by the CCTV camera (notice the guy on the street who is the opposite of subtle in his reaction to her). This must be a typical Kylie lunchbreak! I can't wait to see the scene with her in Greggs debating between a sausage roll and a jam donut. Oh no wait, scratch that - Kylie has turned felon (it must be the leather). First she rudely bumps into someone in the street before stealing phones from humble cafe dwellers, the cheeky minx, so clearly the London crimewave has begun. Oh and no chance of Greggs making an appearance it seems, unless Greggs has a strobe-laden, blue lit rave dungeon in it's London branch. http://youtu.be/zL2wGYCINwY From petty crime to getting into a stranger's car, Kylie is doing everything Mum warned her not to do. Rebel. So to London rushhour which goes from grey and dismal to super saturised colour pop world in a rush of streets, tunnels, red buses and numerous street lights. If London scenery isn't your thing, Kylie is on hand to writhe over the top of all these sections putting Cheryl Cole's tropical sewer escapades in Call My Name to shame. After winding up in a back alley and being chased by some random dude (running on cobbles in heels was never a clever idea), we're into sexaayyy breakdown time as Kylie purrs 'Wait... please don't make me wait' stradling a motorbike. I hear moans, I see lip close-ups and yet it's still much classier than a lot of female pop videos these days. In fact there's something quite 90's about the whole thing which is quite appealing considering everyone forgets about Kylie 90's days (which were actually pretty good, Confide In Me - look it up people). Oh and before I forget, yes Kylie's rear is back accompanied this time by a netting ensemble which is all about the side-flashing and very little else. The song will have her fanbase raising the roof after some slightly more demure single offerings from last album Aphrodite (the deserved-much-more-success banger Get Outta My Way aside) because it is full-on in terms of approach. The music in the chorus, where it all properly kicks off, sounds similar to I Like The Way You Move by the Bodyrockers but without all their verging-on lecherous come-ons which have only been made more creepy by that dancing gravy bull advert (scarred for life). The WOOPs that have a vague air of a car breaking are infectious and go quite well with all the motors/chrome/leather aesthetic that makes up a large percentage of the video. Kylie looks phenomenal, London looks kinda hip in a grimy way and there are so many colours, jolty camera effects and fast cuts that it feels frenetic when it needs to and languishing when Kylie is doing her whispering schtick. The only issue I see is that the song has come from nowhere, been performed straight away on primetime TV and suffered from a mid week release which all adds up to middling chart success (largely due to fanbase buys) with very little chance to ramp up airplay after the song has already plummeted. Sure the video is great but the actual release strategy has been a bit flawed in all fairness. Maybe Kylie's management are more bothered about the K25 Antitour and upcoming Greatest Hits collection, which isn't a bad thing at all, but it's a shame a song and video as great as Timebomb will probably be long forgotten in the pop aftermath a few months later.