5. Useless Technology
The picture above is the GI Joe Manta. And yes, it is a windsurfer. No, it doesn't transform into a dune buggy ... or mini-submarine. It's just a windsurfer ... with a .30 cal machine gun mounted onto the main sail. Can you imagine what the recoil on a heavy machine gun would do to a windsurfer? And don't forget there's a missile slapped on the board. Not a torpedo. A missile. This piece of crap is indicative of most of the hardware coming out of the GI Joe special weapons program. One more thing about the Manta. This aquatic transport is camouflaged ... in JUNGLE colors. Did GI Joe plan on surf attacking down the Mekong Delta? It gets worse. Consider this beauty:
It's a portable bridge layer, but I've noticed with just a casual inspection that it has a serious design flaw. I'm not a military genius, but just how in the hell is someone supposed to use the bridge if the bridge layer is blocking the other side? And then there is this:
Yes, terrorists are bad. Yes, they kill a lot of people. But are they as bad and do they kill as many people as DINOSAURS?!?! Clearly, an entire division of GI Joe needs to be devoted to eradicating this global menace with special six-wheeled cars that shoot out dual grappling hooks. GI Joe must have been preparing their contingency plans for the Mayan apocalypse or something. And I mean, really, if you were trying to kill dinosaurs ... why a jeep? Didn't they watch Jurassic Park? Jeeps are little more than T-Rex chew toys. I'd personally used a Hind helicopter or a Specter gunship and drop half a ton of hot lead at them from the atmosphere. But hey, I'm not a Joe.