12 Haunting Slash Fictions That Will Ruin Your Childhood

3. Link And Ganon In "Death Mountain"

The Legend Of Zelda is a classic story. You have mute elf-hero Link, the useless Princess Zelda who gets her name on the cover for some reason, and the wicked green-skinned Ganon who always turns into a giant pig-man at the plot's convenience. Link defeats Ganon, saves Zelda, and rides off into the sunset. Standard procedure. But it turns out that snobby Princess Zelda was just the temporary middleman for the real love story: star-crossed enemies Link and Ganon, reincarnated over generation upon generations of conflict as the two reluctant lovers hold back their true feelings for one another and fight over the Triforce, all while fighting the urge to just wrap their arms around each other and... Come on, guys. This one's actually kind of adorable. "In My Enemy's Arms" picks up with our hero Link, fresh off a battle with a pack of whatever the hell wolfos are, being tended to by none other than Ganondorf, king of evil and connoisseur of all things foul. It's only a matter of time before they're embraced, kissing passionately and twisting each other's nipples. You get passages like this:

"'Mmm,' Link moaned, enjoying the feeling of Ganon's tongue licking his."

So next time you boot up a Legend Of Zelda game and make your way to the climactic showdown, just pull out your trusty ocarina and seduce Ganon with the sweet, lusty power of music and enjoy your alternate ending. Just turn the volume down first.