16. R. Kelly Worships At The Church Of The Golden Arches
Leaving aside the never-proven allegations that R N B legend R. Kelly likes to shop at Gap Kids. Leaving aside the repeated issues of violence surrounding the man, who claims (with some support from lifelong buddy Fat Joe) to have been good enough to be a pro boxer. Leaving aside the erratic behaviour in public, the claims of prophetic visions, the multiple metaphors where he insists that his songwriting talent is the product of having been sexually molested by music: R. Kellys obsession with McDonalds knows no bounds. Hes hosted all night parties in McDonalds fast food shacks before, where he got behind the counter and served. Hes walked off late night talk shows to go hang out at the Golden Arches. McDonalds was the first place he wanted to go when he was found not guilty of 14 counts of putting together child pornography. But the most ridiculous case of his obsession came when, during the disastrous co-headlining tour with Jay-Z in 2004, Kelly left the stage abruptly at a show in St. Louis, citing trouble with the lighting, and went to McDonalds. To work. Word soon got around to fans, still upset over his truncated set, that their hero was working the drive thru nearby, having persuaded an employee there to hand over his uniform. Kelly worked a three hour shift that night, handing out plastic-flavoured meat-based products and their cardboard side dishes to an increasingly out of control queue of hip hop fans.
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.