What World Cup? - England Are World Egg Throwing Champions!
It seems we are better at throwing eggs than kicking footballs.
Lindsey Parnaby/PA Wire/Press Association ImagesAn English - yes ENGLISH - team has won a sporting event of a global scale. It certainly isn't the World Cup, and the only hope we have at Wimbledon is actually Scottish. So what can this monumental win in sporting history be? Well, it's egg throwing ladies and gentlemen. Egg Throwing. One of the most astounding facts about this story is that it isn't even the first time we have won it, it's the second year in a row (yes - this event has been going for more than one year), that an English competitor has won the championships. This contest of great sporting egg-pectation (only time sorry) is actually in its ninth year of being held in Swaton, Lincolnshire. Ginge Harrison and Titch Wells (yes, those are real names) triumphantly threw an egg 50m without breaking or cracking the shell. Andy Dunlop, President of the World Egg Throwing Federation (again, not making this up), commented on the Billingborough bred boys win; "Wells and Harrison were particularly pleased at beating the Irish and Germans, and the Americans." As were we all. On the query made as to whether egg throwing is actually considered a real sport, Dunlop simply gave this brief history: "It pre-dates everything like football and rugby - lesser sports- and even cricket." Enough said. There are other disciplines within the prestigious event aside from throwing an egg 50m. Norm Fowler from Peterborough, won the Russian Egg Roulette competition, by managing to avoid crushing a raw egg onto his skull. 
Lindsey Parnaby/PA Wire/Press Association Images"He managed to select, using skill and judgement, the right egg each time, which were all hard boiled" stated Mr Dunlop. We are very sorry to announce that avoiding raw egg over hard boiled isn't something you learn, it's something you're born with. Another discipline was the Egg Target Throwing event, involving throwing eggs at body builders and getting points depending on which body part you hit. The woman said to have won the event got two groin shots (a groin shot is three points, the highest you can score). However the body builder doesn't get to wear protection, so you can easily decipher if you've hit him by his ear curdling screams. Thoughts and prayers go out to the target of this years competition, as rumours circulate round the sleepy realm of Swaton that the winner "threw with such viciousness it was untrue". Personally, we cannot wait for next years competition... C'MON ON EGGLAND! (Freudian slip..)