Krankie's "Swingers" Story: Well Played Metro Newspaper Snapper

Commuters would have opened the free metro newspaper this morning to revelations that formerly popular family comedy act The Krankies used to be swingers and enjoyed colourful romps while touring the UK with their production team, who also dabbled in some decidedly creep "adult fun" with the Scottish couple. "We were wild swingers, claim fandabidozi pair" the paper's page 7 shouted. Slightly odd way to publicise your upcoming pantomime, but they probably need all the PR they can get these days. According to the paper, which has seemingly smutted up recently, with a BDSM fan using the paper's daily Readers' Texts column to openly apologise for defying his master:

"They told of a passion for bunk-ups in bunkers on golf courses ('Jersey was good') and how one lovemaking sesson on their 3.7m (12ft) boat went on for so long they nearly ended up in France. 'But he couldnt last that long now,' said 64-year-old Janette (Tough), who has been married to her on-screen father and off-screen husband for 46 years."

Let me be the first to be sick in my mouth in response. They already dress up as father and son, for God's sake, did we need any more weird revelations?! But the real story here is the genius of the photographer who took the accompanying snap of the Krankies in full father/son costume alongside sometimes American, sometimes Scottish cabaret singer John Barrowman, taking the opportunity to lower the tone even further... Well played Sir. The photographer, credited as PA, has now officially won our first, and probably only Award for Dirtiest Panto Promo Picture of the Year. Please make yourself known, if only so I can shake your hand. Hopefully, the Krankies didn't invite you to become a new member of their "2 foot high club", because if they did, I'd actually prefer if we didn't meet... Thank you Metro.