12 Darkest South Park Moments Ever

Woodland Critter Christmas (Season 8, Episode 14)

Even “the most wonderful time of the year” isn’t safe from South Park’s satire. Stan stumbles across the Woodland Critters in a forest. They plead with him to help them ensure the safe delivery of their saviour. Stan is convinced to kill “the evil mountain lion” but is wracked with remorse when he finds her cubs.

After his grim task, Stan learns that the Woodland Critters are Satanists, awaiting the birth of the anti-Christ. Deery the Deer opines “think about it, do you really think God would have sex with a porcupine?”. Stan is forced into finding a host “non-baptised and heathenistic against Christ”. Instead, he calls on the mountain lion cubs to kill the porcupine’s baby. As they still have their baby teeth, Stan is persuaded to take them to the clinic to learn how to administer abortions.

Kyle stumbles across the Critters and becomes a willing host for the anti-Christ, wanting to use its Satanic power to make the world a better place for Jews. He is soon in agony as his soul burns. Fortunately, the cub’s previous medical training allows them to perform an anal abortion on Kyle.

Stan uses a wish granted by Santa to resurrect the mountain lion mother. A happy ending, until an aside that Kyle died of AIDS two weeks later.