Do you give a flying pig about anyone else's viewing experience? No? Well then, you belong in this category. Feverishly trolling GoT forums and review comments section after an episode and dropping spoilers like bombs, this guy or girl, they're often hiding behind a non-committal moniker like 'BlueDragon27512' or the oddly sexual 'RhaegarTargaryensShinySpear' lives to know your day's been ruined. So if you found out early about Ned Stark's beheading, Renly Baratheon's shadow-stabbing and Ser Barristan Selmy's sex-filled New Orleans sojourn (spoiler: only two of these three things happened), it's often down to this chap. We'd throw you in the Dreadfort for such insolence, but we're at least 87% sure it doesn't exist. Sadly.
19. The Smug Book Reader
The smug book reader is very proud of the fact they've ploughed their way through a small forest's worth of pages and will want to make damn sure you know about it. Admittedly, they won't offer sly winks and hints to the non-book-readers, but they'll wear their achievement on their sleeve and won't hesitate to pull rank if needs be. However, they'll mostly be content to sit back, relax and know that when it comes to anything Game Of Thrones-related, they're the smartest guy in the room. That is, until Winds Of Winter comes out then all bets are off, and you'll find them reading so damned fast, it's a wonder their brain doesn't melt. Then they'll kick up their feet, safe in the knowledge that they're all clued up about Bran Stark's further adventures.
18. The Horny Teenage Boys
Let's cut to the chase. There's an awful lot of boobs and nudity in Game Of Thrones, and they're not exactly shy about showing it. The show's breakout character began his first scene with oral sex, and ended it buried under a mountain of naked women. Set your stall out early, and whatnot. As a result, teenagers have flocked to the show like a moth to the flame. A naked flame, with breasts. Tortured similes aside, this is their nirvana when once they'd have to make do with a battered grot mag they found in the bushes, now they can just wait until someone gets their clothes off at HBO's pleasure. They won't be waiting too long.
17. The Guy Who Dips In And Out
Unlike the folk who turn up for one episode and leave, these guys stuck around. Yet like a nudist at a funeral, they don't hang around for long, and their presence troubles everyone else. But why's that? Simply put, they're not watching in any order. They're just watching episodes at random without rhyme or reason, and it doesn't make a lick of goddamned sense. Yet they don't seem to mind, which annoys obsessive show-watchers. Wouldn't you wonder why Beric Dondarrion changed face, voice and suddenly looks like a grunge zombie, or why the Mountain lost about five stone between seasons before suddenly regaining it? These guys don't. Baffling.
16. The Over-Analysers
Did you see how Jon Snow cocked his eyebrow when Maester Aemon told him about his family? That totally means he's Rhaegar Targaryen's son! And he's going to ride a dragon! And he'll invent the guitar! And he'll play a solo that breaks down the Wall, and everyone'll go have a pint at the Winchester and wait for all this to blow over! Clearly, that's nuts (well, most of it). But don't let them hear you say that. They're more knowledgable than you, and they've put effort into their theories, mining the books for insight and honing their hypothesis with the help of like-minded conspiracy theorists. Granted, it's admirable and some of the theories really are plausible, but when you know your argument hinges on a man not above throwing characters into the meat-grinder at a moment's notice, watching these intricately-built machinations fall apart is horribly traumatic.
Durham University graduate and qualified sports journalist. Very good at sitting down and watching things. Can multi-task this with playing computer games. Football Manager addict who has taken Shrewsbury Town to the summit of the Premier League.
You can follow me at @Ed_OwenUK, if you like ramblings about Newcastle United and A Place in the Sun. If you don't, I don't know what I can do for you.
