1. Make The Move Into Adult Movies
Nice picture, eh, boys? There is something quite distracting about the eagerness with which Paula Deen is pushing Jay Leno's butter icing covered fingers into her willing mouth. And that Jay fella's just loving it, isn't he? Look at the concentration etched on his face. He's loving it! Whilst organisations have been queueing up to give Paula Deen the elbow, there's one company which offered her a stiff proposition for an opening. PureMature.com, a porn website featuring older women, got in touch to offer Deen a six-figure deal to endorse them. Purely for research purposes I visited the site and they proudly boast that: "Our Quality Standards Are Well Above What You Are Used To Seeing! Pure Mature takes the utmost care in ensuring our videos are superior than what you can get on any other website. Every model is hand-picked if they aren't extraordinarily good looking, we won't shoot them. We use the latest camera technology and our videos go through a strict post-production process." "Full figured or thin, arthritic or diabetic -- you embody our perfect spokesperson," said PureMature in a letter to Deen, adding that she's definitely a "MILF," - whatever that means - and that they're willing to offer her a 6 figure salary for very little work. Unfortunately, there is no nudity required, which is a massive shame, isn't it fellas? The absence of any dark skin at all - across 9 pages of scenes and 3 pages of models - means that this site subscribes to Deen's values and that she'd fit right in. So, it's up to Paula. She can work through the list one at a time, or just pick one of the 5 options outlined. Either way she would end up on top and smiling.