Doctor Who: 10 Reasons Why The Rings Of Akhaten Sucks

4. Big Speeches Can't Cover Up Lousy Story Logic

Neil Cross had to complete the script for The Rings of Akhaten much faster than the one for Hide and, quite frankly, it shows. Moffat should have taken greater steps to help Cross shape the structure of the story. Even a good writer like Cross needs assistance when time is short because no one writes a perfect draft on the first go (or even the second or third...).

One consequence of the fast writing is an over-reliance on big speeches that fail to mask skip-loads of dodgy story logic. Let's count the big speeches (or monologues): Clara's talk to Merry about how she got lost at Blackpool, the Doctor's story to Merry about star stuff (more on that later), the Doctor's "I've lived a long life and I've seen a few things" rant to the parasite "god" planet, and lastly, Clara's final "the most important leaf in human history" spiel to the same parasite planet (more on that later, too).

Whew, that's a lot of speechifying.

But none of that tottering tower of words helps to obscure some pretty basic questions about the plot. Like, why isn't the Doctor surprised when all the offerings at the singing ceremony vanish out of the crowd's outstretched hands? If the Doctor is dismissing the god as a myth, shouldn't the acceptance of the gifts surprise him? Who does he think is eating the gifts? In a similar vein, if the parasite planet is asleep, who is actually eating the gifts? Is the parasite planet sleep-eating?

And, most emblematic of all the failures in story logic: the effects of the confrontation between the Doctor and the parasite god on the rest of the planetary system aren't thought through at all. The Doctor's war of words with the planet-sized parasite causes it to roil and convulse and even grow a cartoon smiley face, so its mass distribution probably shifted which would cause disturbances in its gravitational field. Its electromagnetic emissions probably "wobbled" drastically too.

There are several inhabited planetoids orbiting this huge monster - aren't they all going to feel some pretty major effects from stirring up the creature? Making Akhaten thrash about could easily kill everyone anyway. But go ahead, Doctor, rile up the parasite god some more.

The solution: Moffat asked Cross to change the start of the story and he also asked Cross to give the episode a different ending (defeating the monster by overfeeding it had been done before). It's sounds snarky, but Moffat should have pressed Cross to change a lot of the structure and logic of the middle parts, too.