Doctor Who: 10 Reasons Why The Rings Of Akhaten Sucks

3. One Speech Doesn't Work At All

Having established that there are a staggering number of speeches, or monologues, in The Rings of Akhaten, let's take a closer look at the worst of them. It's not Matt Smith's fault, but his attempt to convince Merry not to sacrifice herself is dreadfully twee.

This indigestible lump of dialogue starts with, "Hey. Do you mind if I tell you a story? One you might not have heard. All the elements in your body were forged many many millions of years ago in the heart of a faraway star that exploded and died."

This "we are all star-stuff" guff is so over-familiar to sci-fi fans now that it's lost all its power. The damp squib result of this monologue is a shame because the scene actually mirrors two others in the same episode. Earlier, it's Clara's turn to comfort Merry. Her dialogue about a traumatic incident in her own childhood is only marginally better written but at least it's not a giant cliche. And Clara's scene does help make her seem friendly to kids.

The star-stuff monologue also calls to mind the moment in the pre-credits sequence where the Doctor talks with a young Clara. In both sequences, the Doctor should have been written as being on the same wavelength as children, which underscores a basic facet of his character. He's written well in the pre-credits scene but not in the later scene with Merry. The opportunity to create this sense of symmetry is wasted. And without definite structure, the episode wallows in a feeling of aimless meandering from one incident to another.

The solution: The star-stuff speech needed to be dumped and replaced with the Doctor simply explaining why Grandfather really woke up and why Merry didn't need to kill herself.

Also, he should have clarified whether Merry sacrificing herself to the mummy would have actually sent it and the parasite planet back to sleep, because that was left unsaid. The Doctor does say she shouldn't sacrifice herself and that he'll find a way to save everyone, but he shies away from actually confirming whether the girl's plan would have worked. Dramatic moral choices can only be made by characters when it's clear what the consequences of those choices really are.