Game Of Thrones: 10 Things To Do While Waiting For Season 4

5. Respect The Sacred Laws Of Hospitality

In season three, Bran Stark relates the story of the Rat Cook to illustrate the consequences of mistreating your houseguests. For those of you who have repressed the memory, let me trigger your PTSD symptoms by providing a brief recap of the tale: a cook at Nightfort exacted revenge on a visiting king by cooking the king's son into a delicious pie which the cook then served to the king. The king made many yummy noises while eating the pie and asked for seconds, which he also made yummy noises over. The gods become so upset at this gross (really gross) violation of good manners that they turn the cook into a rat and condemn him to a life scurrying around the halls of the castle, devouring his own young. I'm willing to put out the welcome mat for most people, but I'm worried that Bran responds to the moral of this tale only because he hasn't yet experienced a visit from those nightmare guests, you know the ones who come for the weekend and end up staying a week? And then they squirt toothpaste on the bathroom counter and just leave it there, or even deny that they're the ones who put it there? And they always turn the thermostat down too low or up too high because the house is never the right temperature for them. And they delete everything from the DVR, including the episodes of "Downton Abbey" (from season one, when it was good) to make room for the marathon of "Love It or List It" that they want to watch. Oh, man, I'd be willing to get turned into a cannibal rat to get rid of those guests.