10 Awful Wrestling Matches That Stunk Up Arenas
3. The Ultimate Warrior Vs. Goldust - WWF In Your House: Good Friends, Better Enemies
Thomas Wolfe once wrote that "You can't go home again". In the case of the Ultimate Warrior, and his 1996 return to the WWF, he was right.
This wasn't so much a match as a bizarre and lazy exhibition of stalling. Warrior, having chased off Goldust (who was apparently too afraid to wrestle), started smoking Marlena's cigar and mugging to the crowd with a strange, wide-eyed expression etched across his face.
Vince McMahon on commentary, famously averse to smoking, seemed as surprised as the ringside audience. He let out a bellow of forced laughter before scrambling desperately to conceal the lack of action. This went on for several agonising minutes. Goldust was forced to improvise for Warrior's galling lack of effort by grabbing a microphone and threatening to kiss every fan in the arena - and he was the guy nursing an injury. Meanwhile, a young fan in attendance held a sign aloft on which 'WARRIOR SMEAR THE QUEER' was emblazoned.
Eventually, Warrior coerced Goldust into retrieving his stolen gown and sitting on Marlena's director's chair - before predictably clotheslining him out of it in the first of three moves in an 07:38 bout.
Warrior then celebrated his countout win atop the turnbuckle with Goldust's wig placed on his head.