10 Expectations Vs. Reality For WWE WrestleMania 35
2.25 screenings of James Cameron's 'Titanic'.
What did you expect to happen at WrestleMania 34?
You expected Roman Reigns to capture the Universal Championship from Brock Lesnar; after all, the Beast Incarnate had been repackaged as the no-f*cks-given mercenary you perceived him as IRL, and his continuing to hold it to ransom was untenable. The very integrity/purpose of RAW demanded it.
Didn't happen. Reality set in.
You expected from AJ Styles Vs. Shinsuke Nakamura a pulsating, hard-hitting modern classic on par with their adrenaline-fuelled war at Wrestle Kingdom 10. You were literally promised a Dream March.
Didn't happen. The over-produced reality of WWE set in.
You expected Braun Strowman to select a crowd-pleasing surprise partner to oppose The Bar. The mystery partner gimmick is loaded with lofty expectation. Only a returning legend or NXT call-up would do - the latter, ideally. WWE, with its static cast, always needs young blood to freshen things up.
Didn't happen. The reality of Vince McMahon's infantile mind set in.
You might expect Triple H not to bore you to tears with his trademark methodical slog. There are too many matches scheduled as it is, and Batista wheezes in short backstage segments as if suffering from lucid sleep apnea.
Won't happen...
NB: The entire card is not going to crush you. Consider this a worst-case scenario that covers each key scenario.
10. The André The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Expectation:
This is Braun Strowman's match to win. He declared first, he will be the biggest star in it, and his fading character requires something, even this gesture, to rehabilitate its image. His schtick is made for this sort of spectacle, too; the visual of Strowman throwing Main Event fodder across the breadth of the ring is sure to awaken the early comers. It makes sense.
It makes too much sense.
With the rule-proving exception that is Yokozuna, the gargantuan freak show attraction doesn't win the battle royal, no matter how often nor tediously the commentary team insists. The gargantuan freak show attraction is almost invariably tossed out, and will be tossed out by...
Reality:
Colin Jost!
Right. WWE doesn't care that much about Braun Strowman. WWE however does care about social buzz with the permanence of incinerated touchpaper, and so, to draw global eyes to its big night in the mainstream, the SNL sketch comic will emerge victorious. He'll sneak in, just as Strowman celebrates, and tip him out of the ring, assisted by his mate.
Braun will murder him in response, of course, right in front of the hard cam - seconds before the scheduled tweet.