10 Greatest Squash Matches In Wrestling History
2. The Road Warriors Vs. Hapless Weaklings (Various)
The pioneers of the modern squash match, one could select virtually any match from their early catalogue because the names of whichever nondescript flesh bags paid a pittance for a sh*t-kicking did not matter. They were Cadaver #1 and Cadaver #2 after Hawk and Animal had ripped their pasty, moustached faces from their skulls and pissed in the eye sockets.
The Road Warriors squash match was a pulsating spectacle. Their choice of theme tune was at once inspired and ill-advised. They marauded to the ring, barely ever making it to the full, powerful riff of Black Sabbath's 'Iron Man' - but that lurching, opening drone doubled as an omen of pure dread.
"Welp, I'm going to get my f*cking head kicked in," as the alt lyrics went.
When they climbed into the ring, it was a non-stop d*ck-in-the-dirt pounding, performed with zero elegance or traditional psychology. They didn't register the moves and barely appealed to the crowd for a reaction. They just executed them, quickly, powerfully, and recklessly, and with an inimitable intensity, because they weren't interesting in emulating the rhythms of a normal performance.
They were apocalyptic shredders with no time for anything other than eating the weak.