Not to sound too conceited, but I wanted to punch John Cena in the face before punching John Cena in the face was cool. I wanted to collide head-on with his visage when he first entered the WWE as the fresh-faced, spiky-haired, Mark Wahlberg lookalike that wanted nothing more than to be taken seriously as a contender. You know what was a contender from the very start? That's right. His face, as something that could be socked into oblivion. His (too) long streak as the ultimate good guy in the company only proved to exacerbate this condition, and with every cheesy "hustle, loyalty, never give up" stump speech he gives, I want nothing more than to hustle my fist di-rectly into his loyal face. My only wish is that he would hold his hand over his big dumb mug for a little while longer during his "you can't see me" schtick. Like, maybe for an extra few days?
