10 Most Unwatchable Wrestling Matches Ever
10. The Undertaker Vs. Giant Gonzalez (WrestleMania IX)
I remember this event as the first WrestleMania I watched live on cable TV. At the time, I'd been watching wrestling for about four years, and was a colossal Undertaker mark. Well, I was a teenager. If you're not into giant zombie morticians when you're a teenager, theres something wrong with you.
I remember being distinctly underwhelmed when Giant Gonzalez walked out: the WWF used their usual tilted camera angle to try to make him seem massive, but the man was so legit huge that it screwed up the scale between him and the crowd, with the result that he actually appeared smaller than he was. And then the Undertaker came out, in a !*$% chariot complete with a giant vulture on a perch next to him, and I was a believer all over again.
That is until the match started. I had no idea about insider terms like work at the time: all I remember is that the match stunk on ice. It took place in broad daylight, which definitely didn't help. Gonzalez looked ridiculous in his skintight bodysuit with strategically airbrushed fur and musculature. He couldn't wrestle, fight or really move a whole lot.
More than that, he wasn't remotely scary: he had to try to beat Taker with chloroform on a cloth, and got disqualified. At the end of the mercifully short match against the Undertaker, Giant Gonzalez was herded backstage again by a small group of tubby middle-aged security who looked like park rangers. They were more his speed than the Undertaker, and he was still intimidated by them.
I've tried watching this match since, and despite how short it is (the entrances and the post-match take longer than the match), I'm always struck by how easy it is to just glaze over when youre watching it. Your eyes unfocus and everything. It's quite remarkably dull.