10 Most Unwatchable Wrestling Matches Ever

7. The Great Antonio Vs. Antonio Inoki

The Great Antonio Inoki
New Japan

On the 8th December 1977, the founder of New Japan Pro Wrestling, Antonio Inoki would take on his namesake The Great Antonio (no relation) at Tokyo'€™s Sumo Hall.

The Great Antonio was a Croatian strongman, a total nutjob who€™d built little myths around himself by lying his massive fat ass off at any given opportunity, rather like Hulk Hogan does today. Antonio claimed that he could rip out trees with sheer upper body strength by the age of twelve. In later life, he would insist that he was actually an alien.

Contrast this with Inoki himself, the legendarily proud progenitor of €˜strong style€™ Japanese wrestling, and you€™ve got a mis-match made in hell. Which was precisely the point: the conceit was the heroic good guy, all rules, technique an rigid pride taking on the grotesque gaijin monster, a shambling wild man. Variations on this basic booking construction have made money worldwide for decades, and still do good business in 2014.

In any event, what actually happened wasn€™t in the script. The 9,000 fans in attendance saw the match begin awkwardly, and it only got worse after that. For whatever reason, The Great Antonio began to no-sell Inoki€™'s moves. He didn'€™t even try the traditional monster€™s approach of acknowledging a dropkick but powering over it he just stood there as if nothing had happened, exposing the business for all to see.

Of course, nothing had happened: that€™s pro wrestling for you. However, the audience wasn€™'t supposed to know that. When the gaijin began clubbing him with imprecise blows to the back of his neck, Inoki realised that his opponent had gone off-book and reacted exactly the way you'€™d expect a legendarily proud and talented shoot fighter to react.

He beat the living tar out of the bigger man.

What€™'s funny to drunks in a bar and entertaining to mixed martial arts fans on fight night isn'€™t so much fun for pro wrestling fans to watch. Forgetting about any kind of entertainment value, Inoki kicked the Croatian to pieces, leaving him in a bloody, unconscious heap on the mat.

Contributor
Contributor

Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.