10 Things WWE Fans Have To Look Forward To In 2018
2. Yet More Hate-Watching
The life of a WWE fan, or somebody compelled to check the various goings-on on their smartphones through muscle memory, offers very little at present beyond morbid fascination.
It's part of the fun. Just deciding what the absolute f*ck is going on half the time. Trying to determine just how WWE gets it so wrong with such frequency. Why is Bobby Lashley the all-smiling John Cena replacement? Why is Bobby Lashley the 46th all-smiling John Cena replacement? Is Bayley meant to be working an actual terminal puppy gimmick? Where are the tag teams? Why are the only prominent tag teams absolutely goons? Why, from the supposed minor to the major leagues, do NXT's major stars - to a man - become minor footnotes within WWE's abysmal non-narrative? Why is Roman Reigns the most-pushed WWE performer and, simultaneously, an utter failure? Why does Apollo Crews smile all the time, equipped with the knowledge that creative has nothing for him? Why is Finn Bálor - a man who won his first World Title at the same speed at which Hulk Hogan won his - the new Apollo Crews?
Less escapist entertainment, WWE TV is a fiendishly difficult puzzle we convince ourselves can be solved.
"Why?"
*Slaps head, mistaking it for the key to Simon Miller's wonderful eternal optimism, and instead enjoys feeling something for a change, otherwise numbed by the sheer ennui of WWE fandom, ends up really hurting himself.*